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  "You ain't proud like Martha and Jane was. I reckon you mo like Gin." Sissy said as she stood in my doorway.

  "What does it matter?" I asked.

  "Oh it matter. Specially to Ms. Beckah." Sissy responded.

  "Then why does she allow it?" I asked.

  "Ain't no way foe her to stop it." Sissy began. "She call Massa Smith out and he gone say it aint so and den it his word ginst hers and a couple of slaves dat don't mean nothing."

  "Then why does it matter to her?" I asked.

  "Ms. Beckah gone put a stop to his cheating." Sissy replied. "You just hang on!"

  I found comfort in Sissy's words. It didn't matter whether they were true or not, I was so desperate to find a friend that I would have believed that the moon was green if Sissy had said so that night. I cried myself back to sleep, hoping to feel better when the sun came up.

  The next day, Master Smith and Master Miller had to leave for one of the towns in the next county and wouldn't be back for several days. Ms. Rebekah, Sissy and I had the house all to ourselves. I was surprised that Ms. Rebekah allowed Henry to come in the house while Master Smith was away.

  "Sissy say's I can trust you" Ms. Rebekah said to me as I swept the porch she was rocking on while Sissy and Henry was upstairs moving furniture.

  "I reckon" I said.

  "You wouldn't lie to me if I asked you a question?" Ms. Rebekah asked.

  "I don't much care for liars so I guess I'd tell the truth." I said. My heart raced as I prepared myself for the question that I knew was coming.

  "My husband forces himself on you?" She asked.

  I paused to choose my words carefully. "I think you know the answer to that, but if you need me to say it will." I responded.

  "I'm afraid I do need to hear it from you." Ms. Rebekah replied.

  "I can't rightly say he forces himself on me. I do what he says to do but I don't want to." I replied.

  "So you're not happy with my husband's?" M.S. Rebekah asked.

  "No ma'am." I said.

  "Sissy said you cried yourself to sleep last night. Is that true?" Ms. Rebekah asked.

  "Yes ma'am" I said.

  "Why?" She asked.

  "I reckon you know the answer to that too." I said.

  "Tell me please" She said.

  "I felt dirty when he was done with me. I didn't want him on top of me and I just felt..."

  "I know" Ms. Rebekah interrupted as I paused to find the right word. "But you have to do what the master says right?"

  "Yes ma'am." I replied as I finished sweeping the porch.

  The next couple of days were quiet. Ms. Rebekah had Henry moving furniture and things almost every day. Sissy and I would come behind him cleaning as he moved things that had been put for years. It was hard to believe how much dirt and dust could get under things that sat flat on the floor.

  The last night before Master Smith was to return home, Ms. Rebekah called Sissy, Henry and I to Master Smith's den.

  "Just today I made an acquisition that I think will benefit not only myself but all of us." She began. "I spoke with Edward and I have purchased Alice from him. Alice everyone here knows what's happening with you and my husband. But I can tell that you aren't like Martha and Jane. They pranced around here like they owned the place. I made a mistake with Gin. I thought she was to blame for all of this but even making it look like she was a thief didn't stop this. I know now that I need your help."

  Ms. Rebekah went on to spell out her plan. The things she told us was unthinkable, but her plan was a good one. Henry and I were the two most important pieces to the puzzle and I knew that Sissy didn't like the idea. The fact that we were even discussing it could have gotten all three of us slaves hanged from the nearest tree.

  The next day Master Smith returned home although it was later in the afternoon. I waited until the sun set and the sky was just barely lit.

  "Master Smith?" I said as he sat on the front porch.

  "Yes Alice?" He answered.

  "I was wondering if I could show you something in the barn." I asked.

  "What is it?" He asked as he stood up. The tone of his voice said that he was tired and didn't want to be bothered. I was afraid that our plan would fail before it ever began. I was also afraid that Ms. Rebekah would change her mind after the fact and have Henry and I hanged.

  "I need to show you something" I said as I began walking to the barn.

  Master Smith followed behind me. I walked to the side and entered through the small door.

  "What is it Alice?" He demanded as he stepped inside.

  "I just wanted you know to that I'm sorry for not being ready for you the other night." I began trying to speak in a soft sensual voice.

  "What are you speaking of girl?" He asked.

  "I just wanted you to know that I can do better than that." I said as I began unbuttoning the top of my dress.

  "Oh I see" Master Smith said. "I thought you might need a little training, but I see you've managed to work things out on your own."

  "Yes sir" I replied as I finished the last button and pulled my dress past my shoulders and let it fall to the ground.

  "Well then, let's see how much you've improved." Master Smith said as he looked around to make sure no one could see us.

  I stepped further into the barn, near the main support beam. It was dark and I couldn't be sure that Henry was ready. I sat down on a fresh blanket that I'd prepared earlier. Master Smith sat down beside me and began removing my under clothes until he had me completely naked. He ran his fingers between my legs and pushed them into me.

  "You ARE ready aren't you?" He said as he removed his fingers which were covered in my excitement, though not the excitement he'd thought.

  Master Smith began unbuttoning his pants after removing his belt. I still had a hard time seeing although my eyes were beginning to adjust to the darkness. Once Master Smith was naked from the waist down he shocked me by pushing my head down between his legs.

  "Open your mouth" He commanded.

  I didn't know what to do. I knew Henry would be waiting for Master Smith to climb on top of me before he did anything. Panicked, I did what I was told and opened my mouth. Master Smith guided my head down over his short cock and pushed the head of his penis into my mouth.

  "Suck on it" He commanded.

  I did as I was told and began sucking the tip of his penis. The taste was awful. It tasted like musky sweat and something else that I couldn't identify. His cock which was already hard grew even harder inside my mouth to the point that his foreskin seemed to tighten around the neck of his penis.

  "Move up and down on it" Master Smith ordered.

  I slowly raised my head and lowered it back down. I felt Master Smith's hands on the back of my head just before he pushed my head farther down onto his stiff shaft. I nearly gagged as the tip of his cock touched the back of my throat. I rose up quickly and then went back down, just far enough so as to keep him out of my throat but happy enough that he didn't shove my head again.

  This went on for a while. I was beginning to think that he was going to spray his seed into my mouth and I knew that would gag me beyond what I could control. But instead he pushed me away and told me to get on my back.

  I did as I was told and spread my legs for him. He quickly got on top of me and pushed past my mound into my dripping depths. I had never been this wet in my life, I was so excited that I was certain that he would barely be able to feel the flesh that now surrounded his throbbing cock. I looked up to the rafters and did not see Henry. It was dark and I wasn't sure that I'd be able to see him or not. I waited as Master Smith began pumping his fully aroused member into me. Over and over he thrusted into me until I was beginning to think that Henry wasn't coming. The anticipation was more than I could bear and all of a sudden, without any warning whatsoever I felt the most wonderful tingling sensation that I'd ever experienced. It began between my legs and radiated outward, covering my entire body. I could feel my pussy clamping down on Master Sm
ith's cock. My legs trembled uncontrollably and I knew that I'd had my first orgasm. I didn't know what it was at the time but suddenly sex wasn't as disgusting as I'd thought it to be.

  I could see into Master Smith's eyes and knew that he'd seen what had happened. A crooked smile came across his face and I saw the same look of pleasure on his face. I could not feel Master Smith cum in me this time, but I knew the look and knew that he had. As Master Smith removed his body from mine, there was a grunt and a thud. The next thing I knew Master Smith's limp body covered mine.

  "Help her up Sissy, and get her to the house like we talked about." Ms. Rebekah ordered.

  "He ain't dead Ms. Beckah!" I heard Henry say as Sissy wrapped a blanked around me.

  I heard another thud as if Henry had hit Master Smith again.

  "What took so long?" I asked Sissy.

  "What you mean?" Sissy asked.

  "I thought Henry was going to come out as soon as Master Smith got on top of me." I asked.

  "Didn't he?" Sissy asked.

  "No, he didn't come out until Master Smith as finished." I said.

  "I don't rightly know. We'll sort it out later." Sissy said.

  That was the only part I took. Sissy returned to the barn and I didn't see her or Henry again until the next morning. I only vaguely remember Ms. Rebekah opening my bedroom door and asking if I was alright before I fell asleep. I remember thinking that they were outside for a very long time and wondered briefly if they'd just left me alone.

  The next morning was chaotic. Ms. Rebekah had sent Henry to get Master Edward while she remained by Master Smith's side to play the part of the grieving wife who'd found her husband dead in the barn after a rafter had fallen and hit him in the head. The story she told was that Master Smith had gone to the barn the night before after Henry had already gone to sleep to hoist a saddle to the top of the loft. In reality Master Smith would have woken Henry or waited til morning, but everyone seemed to believe the story. The rafter broke and hit Master Smith. Ms. Rebekah said that she fell asleep waiting on Master Smith but got worried when she woke up that morning and he still hadn't returned.

  I didn't have to answer any questions or anything. I guess Ms. Rebekah told the white folk what they needed, or wanted to hear. As time passed, everything that happened became a blur to the point that I almost believed that it had been an accident myself. Henry told me later that it had taken so long for him to come down because he'd stepped to the back of the loft while Master Smith had his manhood in my mouth. Henry said that he couldn't watch that but that when he looked back again he saw Master Smith on top of me and jumped down as soon as he saw. Maybe that was the case, maybe Henry just liked what he was watching. In either case it worked out alright I guess. Ms. Rebekah moved back home to her father's old plantation and took us with her. Her three brothers had been running the old plantation since her father's death but made a place for their widowed sister and all was right with the world. I grew to love Ms. Rebekah and immediately loved my new home. It was the perfect place for me to have my baby.

  The Masters End

  I had grown up with Thomas. I remember as a child, playing hide and seek with him in the barn and the garden. As I got older and began to acquire chores it was explained to me that he wasn't like the rest of us. Thomas belonged to a freed slave and so he was free too. The concept of freedom didn't really sink in when I was young; I only knew that while he played with the white children, I was forced to carry food and water for the hogs and chickens. I might have been jealous if he weren’t so nice to me. Often he would stop playing and help me with my chores. I don't know if I'd have been that kind if the roles had been reversed.

  After my work was done, Thomas and I would often go for long walks. By the time my young teen years were on me I had begun to feel a special relationship with Thomas. He rarely talked about his white friends who I was forbidden to associate with outside of my chores, so one day I asked him.

  "I don't like them, they're mean to me because my mom is black and they say that I'm just a pet nigger." Thomas said.

  I guess I hadn't realized that he actually preferred helping me with my chores to playing with the other kids. I suppose I could see why.

  One spring day as we sat under a pecan tree watching the sun set over the mountain in the distance Thomas reached down and took my hand. I think it was then that I knew I loved him. It became a daily routine for us over time and by autumn Thomas had stolen his first kiss. I remember it like it was yesterday. As he leaned in my heart raced, I thought it would beat right out of my chest. I knew what Thomas's intentions were but only had a split second to either allow it or to pull away. I don't know which I would have chosen because I was too afraid to move and I froze as his lips touched mine for the first time. I knew that I shouldn't but I couldn't help myself. His soft lips pressed against mine for what seemed like an eternity. When he released me, I sat there silently as did he. The awkward silence was more than I could bear so I just changed the subject by blurting out something about a stray dog I'd seen near the house that day.

  All good things come to an end though and Thomas was no exception. Several years later my master had decided to reduce his work force and raise a profit for something he was doing in one of the outer fields. My mother and I were among a half dozen slaves that were sold to Master James Wilson. I was devastated; I couldn't imagine leaving the only place that I'd called home.

  I looked around as I loaded my meager belongings onto the wagon that Master Wilson had sent for us. I had hoped that Thomas would come to see me off, but he didn't. The wagon pulled away without me even getting to say goodbye to my best friend.

  It was difficult settling in to my new home. The slave quarters were not as nice as I had been used to. There were cracks between the boards that allowed the cold air through although we didn't spend much time there. Most of our time was spent working the fields. Master Wilson had everyone working planting winter grass in the cotton fields to prevent erosion. It was much harder work than what I was used to although the other slaves seemed to think that it was easier than picking cotton.

  The first few weeks I spent lying awake at night crying. Mother tried to console me but I could tell that she was as sad and unhappy as I was. I was called to the master’s house one evening after work. I couldn't possibly imagine what he wanted with me but I went.

  "Hello Mary" Said master Wilson who was sitting on his porch as I approached his house.

  "Hello sir" I replied.

  "How old are you Mary?" He asked.

  "I’m not rightly sure sir, seventeen or eighteen" I replied.

  "I expected you might be a good breeding age." he said.

  I remained silent and just looked into his bright blue eyes.

  "I have a buck named John, have you met him?" He asked.

  "Yes sir" I replied.

  "I am going to talk to him tomorrow. John is one of my best workers and I intend to breed him soon. What do you think of that?" Master Wilson asked.

  "I don't rightly see it's any of my business" I said.

  Master Wilson laughingly replied "It is when you're the one I intend to breed him with."

  "Well then I'd say I don't think very highly of it" I replied.

  "I see, well I'd like you to spend some time with John, see if you warm up to him. I hate forcing the issue unless I have to but I want you to understand that this will happen whether you like it or not." Master Wilson said.

  I did not respond.

  "That will be all" Master Wilson said breaking the silence.

  I returned to my quarters. I told mom what had been said, not that I would have been able to hide it from her. She told me that as bad as it sounded that it was probably best that I just did what I was told.

  The next evening there was a knock on the door. I answered it to find John standing there.

  "What do you want?" I asked.

  "Masta say I need to come talk to you." John replied.

  "So you can breed with
me?" I asked as I turned and sat in the old patched up chair that guarded the window.

  "I just doing what I been told, I don't mean no harm" John said

  "She knows that" Mother said. "We're just used to a different arrangement is all"

  "I figured that, but if we don't do what we told then we get in trouble" John said.

  I talked with John and my mother for a very long time. John seemed like a nice guy, maybe a little slow upstairs but he was very mild for a man of his large size. John was young, maybe only a few years older than me. John said that Master Wilson had told him to breed with another slave girl the year before. John said that she got pregnant but that both she and the baby died during the birth last summer. From what I gathered, Wilson decided which slaves would breed with who in order to increase the quality of his slaves.

  "I have no intentions of breeding with you" I finally told John bluntly.

  "Masta just make me do it anyway" John said. "Dats how it was with Susan. He made me do it the first time while he watch cause she said she wouldn't do it."

  That posed a problem for me. Either I chose to have sex with John, or the master would force John to rape me. Neither prospect seemed promising to me. I figured that I had a couple of days before master Wilson came knocking, so that gave me a little, and I mean very little bit of breathing room.

  It was a little embarrassing to talk about such things in the presence of my mother, but I knew if there was a way to resolve the problem that she would figure it out. The next day all I could think about was John and what Master Wilson expected of me. As the evening set in and I finished my work for the day I went to the western most field that master Wilson owned. There was an old oak tree on the edge of the field before the creek and the end of the plantation. It reminded me of home so much that I nearly cried. I sat down under the old tree and waited for the sun to go down. I considered just getting up and running away. I was only several hours away from my old home and Thomas. I could probably be back home before anyone even knew I was missing.

  As the sun sank over the distant mountain, the thought of running away seemed less appealing. It would be dark soon and I wasn't positive that I could navigate the woods and fields all the way back. Finally as the stars began to show, I got up and returned to the slave quarters where I found John waiting for me.