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  Sissy got a shocked look on her face. “How you know bout Anny?”

  “I’m a better listener than my brothers are” I replied.

  “Yes’um you surely is” Sissy replied.

  Sissy opened up a little more than she had before. I guess she saw that school hadn’t changed me as much as she’d thought it would. If anything I think the opposite was true. I was older and more aware of what was happening than when I’d left. She told me all about Leon and Anny. She said that not only had Leon been whipped once before because of her but Anny’s daddy had beaten him up pretty good the first time they got caught fornicating. Sissy said Anny’s daddy left some bruises on her too when he found out.

  “If masa Mark don’t beat him to death, Anny daddy will. Either way that boy gone get it one day!” Sissy said.

  She went on to tell me about her daddy dying. He’d been kicked in the chest by a horse that he was trying to shoe. She said it didn’t just break his ribs but his messed him up inside. She said he lay in the bed for almost three weeks before finally passing away. She said that her mother had told her that I might return from school and not want to be friends anymore. A proper lady was rarely friends with a house nigger after all. It wasn’t like that with Sissy and me. Living on a plantation so far away from anyone else left me wanting for social interaction. My mother died when I was four years old and although I played with my brothers, a girl needs other girls to play with. With sissy and I being the same age we were a perfect match.

  After talking with Sissy for a long while I went out on the porch to sit in the swing and hopefully not be disturbed by the cracking of another whip. I took a book with me that I’d purchased just before returning home but hadn’t had the chance to read. I sat in the swing and then put my feet up in what father would have called and unladylike manner. I began reading my book. The next thing I remember was waking up to the sound of an approaching wagon. It was Charlotte. I couldn’t believe that she had them hitch the horses and drive her less than a mile from Mark’s house to Fathers. What a bloated, pompous, fool I thought to myself as her driver stopped in front of the house. I watched as the driver put a stool next to the door and then opened it for Charlotte. She stepped out wearing a dress that should have been reserved for a ball or banquet.

  “Y hello Rebekah!” She said as she stepped onto the porch, pretending to be ecstatic to see me when in reality she’d probably forgotten that I’d even returned home.

  “Hello Charlotte” I replied.

  “I hear you’re finished with school and ready to marry” She said.

  “I’m afraid you’ve been misinformed” I said.

  “Oh? Your father said that you had completed all of your classes” Charlotte said.

  “I have. I was referring to the part about be being ready to marry. Unfortunately that bit is inaccurate.” I replied.

  “Oh, Your Father…”

  “Was assuming that my intentions were the same as his. They are not!” I interrupted.

  “Oh I see. Well the younger you marry, the more years you’ll have to be happy together.” Charlotte said.

  “Or miserable together.” I added.

  “Indeed. Well if you will pardon me I desperately need to speak with Mark.” Charlotte said as she entered the house.

  I picked up my book which had fallen onto the porch and tried to resume reading, but the book was one of the most boring things I’d even laid eyes on and I knew I would fall asleep again. I got up and went into the house. I could faintly hear Mark and Charlotte talking in the den. I knew I shouldn’t listen in but I couldn’t help myself. I made my was to the door which was closed and probably locked. I carefully placed my ear to the wall.

  “I don’t expect that you would understand such things but the answer is still no.” I heard Mark say.

  “I assure you dear husband that I understand fully, I do however not understand your reaction.” Charlotte replied.

  “If you don’t understand by now you never will. The answer is no and it will not change.” Mark replied.

  “Fine, you can remain here and live in your fathers shadow for the rest of your life but know this, I do not intend on remaining in Georgia for the rest of my life. I will go places either with or without you.” Charlotte yelled.

  “Then go. I do not have time for your foolishness today. I have a business to run and if you intend on enjoying those nice clothes and luxuries then you will let me run it.” Mark replied.

  “I do enjoy them very much however the only eyes that reach them out here are yours, mine and the thirty slaves you have running around here doing God knows what.” Charlotte said.

  “Go home Charlotte!” Mark demanded as he stepped through the door I was listening at. He looked at me briefly with a disgusted expression before walking out the front door. Charlotte stormed out behind him and was so focused on Mark that I don’t even think that she saw me.

  The next morning I was awakened by a banging on the back side of the house. I stumbled down stairs in my night gown to see what the ruckus was. I was greeted in the hallway but a very large bull nigger that I’d never seen before. Being half naked I let out a slight yell. Mark and Samuel came in to see what was wrong.

  “Why are you in night clothes?” Samuel asked.

  “Overt your eyes before I take them from you!” Mark yelled at the nigger who immediately looked away and resumed nailing a board to the wall.

  “The banging woke me and I came to see what it was” I said as I made my way back to my room.

  I knew it was going to be a bad day right then. Anytime I was startled awake I spent the day in a bad mood. I called for Sissy to bring me some old clothes. It was hot; I was sweaty and decided that I was going to the creek. I spoke with father and told him that I was taking Sissy with me. He agreed. He had never liked me going to the creek alone as a child for fear that I would fall in one of the deeper areas. I was glad that he fear was still intact for the truth was that I just didn’t want to be alone. On the way to the creek I told Sissy what I’d seen Anny and Leon doing. I told her not to say anything to anyone about it and she said that she wouldn’t. I asked if she had a man. She said that she didn’t but that she didn’t really want one yet either.

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “I juss don’t likes the idea of a man bein on top of me swettin like a pig and putting his thang in me like that” Sissy said bluntly.

  After laughing for a minute I replied. “I think it feels good though”

  “You ever had a man inside you?” Sissy asked.

  “No” I said.

  “Then how you know?” Sissy asked.

  “I don’t for sure but a girl I was in school with said that she had done it and that it felt good after you got used to it.” I replied.

  “I’d juss soon not get used to it” Sissy responded. “Did you see Leon’s?”

  “Yeah” I said.

  “What did it look like?” She asked.

  “I thought you’d seen one before” I asked.

  “Only my little brother’s” Sissy replied.

  I held up my hands about eight inches apart. “It was about this long and almost as big around and this narrow part of my writs. It was black except for the tip, which was kind of a purple color.”

  Sissy and I made our way down the creek bank to the sandy peninsula and were both eager to put our feet in the water. We talked most of the afternoon. Mostly about sex stuff. She was the only person that I could really talk to about such things. Most women thought it improper to even discuss the subject, not that there were many women around to talk to anyway. Sissy asked why father had slowed down the number of young men he was inviting to dinners lately. I explained that I wasn’t interested in getting married and that father was supposed to be waiting to bring the better ones around until I was ready.

  “So is you scared of men?” Sissy asked.

  “Not really, in fact I’m really curious about sex especially after seeing Anny and Leon but I don’t w
ant to get married.” I said.

  “You don’t want no man tellin you what to do!” Sissy responded.

  “Yeah, I think that’s it” I replied.

  Sissy had a good point when she said that I didn’t have to be married to have marital relations. The thought hadn’t really occurred to me until she actually spoke the words.

  “But I would be called a whore, and it would be true.” I replied.

  “Who gone know?” Sissy asked.

  “Well, whoever I have those relations with will know” I said.

  “You gots to fine somebody who aint gone tell” Sissy began. “You could fine somebody who nobody would believe too”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Like missa Roberts” Sissy replied.

  “The blacksmith in town?” I asked.

  “He tell so many tales til aint nobody gone believe what he say” Sissy replied.

  She did have a valid point but of all the men that I might consider, Matthew Roberts wouldn’t be someone who I would think of.

  “For someone who don’t want to have a man inside her, you sure have given this a lot of thought.” I said.

  “It different foe a slave” Sissy replied.

  “How?” I asked

  “Cause you got massa watchin you all da time and you gots other slaves watchin you too. Somebody gone catch a slave.” Sissy said.

  “Unless they were just off somewhere doing what they were told.” I replied. “If you have to choose someone to be with, who would it be?”

  “Oh no miss Becka, I couldn’t do something like dat” Sissy replied.

  “But I could?” I asked.

  “Oh lord I done open my mouth again” Sissy said.

  “So who would you be interested in?” I asked.

  “I guess Henry” Sissy said reluctantly. “He been tryin to court me foe a long time”

  “Henry it is!” I said.

  We sat there in silence for a while.

  “So who you pick?” Sissy asked.

  “I don’t know yet. I don’t know too many people who would tell or cause a big stink” I said.

  “Too bad you can’t just pick a slave too” Sissy responded.

  “Sissy! That’s a great idea!” I said.

  “You done loss yo mind?” Sissy asked.

  “No, it’s perfect. I find a buck who doesn’t have a woman. He has to do what I tell him, so I just tell him what I want him to do. If he doesn’t do what I tell him then he gets in trouble. If he tells what we did then he gets in trouble.” I said.

  “But if you gets caught then he gonna hang an you might hang with him!” Sissy replied.

  “Then we have to make sure that we don’t get caught.” I said.

  Sissy and I talked the rest of the day away with our feet in the creek. We went over and over our plan until we thought we had it perfected. My bad day had turned into a pretty good one.

  I arrived back home just in time to wash up for dinner. After we ate father asked to see me in the den. He expressed concern about my reluctance to marry. I told him that I would start seriously considering suitors in the fall if he would allow me a peaceful summer to reflect on it. He agreed even though he thought courtship was best in the summer. I also stipulated that I wanted him to give Sissy to me as a token to seal the agreement. He quickly agreed.

  The next morning I told Sissy about the agreement. She was ecstatic. I didn’t mention our long discussion on the creek bank, but it was still in my mind.

  Several days went by. I had Sissy doing nothing but being with me and doing whatever I was doing. She still helped her mother in the kitchen though, I think she enjoyed it. As I sat in the shade finishing that awful book I overheard Mark and Father talking of buying more slaves. There was going to be an auction in a week and Mark insisted that they needed to purchase an additional five fields hands. Father agreed and also wanted to purchase another wench to help Bea who was getting up in age and had lost the help of Sissy.

  “I want to go!” I told Father as I jumped into the conversation.

  “Go where?” Father asked.

  “To the auction” I said.

  “The auction is no place for a lady” Mark said.

  “I wasn’t asking you, and I think we’ve had this discussion before!” I said.

  “I agree with Mark dear. Those auctions can be vulgar and…”

  “I want to go!” I interrupted.

  “Why?” Mark asked.

  “I’ve never been to one, and I might find a slave I want to buy” I replied.

  “A friend for your pet nigger?” Mark asked.

  “It would be one more friend than you have!” I said bluntly.

  “Darling, we are only buying field hands and one wench. We can’t afford to be buying….”

  “I have my own money” I interrupted again.

  “You have money?” Mark asked.

  “Five hundred dollars” I said smugly.

  “Where did you get that kind of money?” Asked Mark.

  “It doesn’t concern you, just know that I have it!” I replied.

  “I will say that’s more than we’d planned on spending for a single nigger, but why would you want to waste your money like that?” Father asked.

  “I don’t know that I will, I would just like to go and see. I might not purchase anything.” I replied.

  After debating the issue for nearly a half hour father agreed to let me go. I could have had him convinced in half the time had Mark not continuously interrupted me. As we finished our conversation we heard someone yelling across the western field. I looked up and saw Abby running from the direction of Mark’s house.

  “Miss Charlotte hurt!” Abby began yelling as she approached.

  Mark ran as fast as he could to meet Abby.

  “What happened, where is she?” Mark asked desperately.

  “She at the house” Abby panted. “She done fell off the balcony”

  Mark ran as fast as he could toward his house. Father yelled for James to get the wagon. Father wasn’t able to run and could barely ride a horse so James had become very proficient at hitching the wagon. I rode with Father to Marks house. When we arrived I saw Abby had just returned after walking back. Charlotte was laying on the ground with Mark holding her head and she wasn’t moving. Her left leg was buckled beneath her rear end in a very unnatural position. I knew immediately that it was broken as Mark cradled her lifeless body.

  “Is she…” I paused to afraid to say the word

  “No, she’s breathing. Rebekah, go with James and get the doctor quickly!” Father said.

  “I’ve already sent Arnold on horseback.” Mark said.

  Mark and James lifted Charlottes limp body and moved her to the porch, out of the sun. I held her hand while Mark spoke to her and tried to wake her up. Suddenly she began shaking uncontrollably as if she were being possessed of something. After a few moments the shaking stopped. It seemed like an eternity before Doctor Wiggins arrived and when he did he brought only bad news. We moved Charlotte to her bed so that the doctor could examine her.

  “I’m afraid she has a very nasty head injury” The Doctor said. “Her broken leg will mend fine and so will her broken rib, but only the good lord can say about wounds to the head. I’ve seen people survive an axe wound to the skull and I’ve seen people die from being hit with a small pebble. Unfortunately all we can do is wait and see.”

  “Thank you” Said Father. I could see the tears swelling up in Mark’s eyes.

  “I’ve set her leg and splint it. If she wakes up, make sure she keeps it still. She doesn’t need to aggravate her other injuries. Call on me if there is any change in her condition.” Doctor Wiggins added.

  After the doctor left Father stayed with Mark for a while and then Mark called for Abby.

  “What happened?” Mark asked.

  “I don’t rightly know masa. I was in da garden and I heard her scream. When I come round da side of da house I sees her layin on da ground.” Abby
replied.

  I went with Mark to the upper bedroom which led to the balcony. When we stepped out we could see that the rail was broken. It was still attached on one side, but it was just barely hanging. It looked as though she’d leaned against it and it had given way. Father asked if there was anything more that Mark needed. I could tell he was getting tired and wanting to go home. His body seemed to be getting more and more frail and incapable of handling such stress.

  The following day was a Saturday so the slaves were not working. Father and went to check on Charlotte after breakfast. Father spoke to Mark who said that her condition was unchanged. Mark had been inspecting the balcony rail. He’d determined that there was only one nail holding that end of the rail in place where there were three on the opposite end. He was furious and blamed the man who’d been in charge of building the house. Then he began blaming himself, and then he blamed Charlotte for not being more careful. Mark was struggling to place the fault instead of seeing it for what it was, an accident.

  I returned home and decided to go for a walk. Sissy and I went to the slave quarters. She wanted to see her brother Seth who was there with his wife Ruth and baby daughter, Dolly. It was getting on in the afternoon so as we approached I saw most of the slaves were sitting outside of their stuffy cabins. Some of the cabins had small porches attached which provided shade from the sun but were not as hot as the cabins. Some of the younger niggers seemed a little intimidated by my presence. Usually when a white person came to the slave quarters it meant someone was in trouble. The older ones, especially Bea and Nan knew me and had been around me since I was a little girl and weren’t intimidated in the slightest. Bea lived in a small room in the main house but always spent Saturday and Sunday with her family.

  “She’s adorable!” I said to Ruth who was holding the two month old Dolly. “Can I hold her?”

  Ruth looked surprised that I would even ask. Maybe she expected me to just take her without asking; maybe she was shocked that a white woman would be interested in holding a nigger baby. Either way, Ruth gently handed her to me. Dolly was asleep and was very peaceful with her chubby cheek buried into my breast. I slowly rocked her as Sissy talked to her mother and brother. Bea asked me about Charlotte, I told her that there was no change. I knew Bea didn’t care for Charlotte, the truth was that I didn’t either but I don’t think anyone wanted to see harm befall her.